Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Anybody going to this?















I'll bring the candy canes.... you bring the cheer :>

Friday, December 08, 2006

busy, busy , boy

I haven't really responded to any emails and I haven't done any work on my website this week as planned.
It's been more of a work busy, sulking + cold weather week - however some really cool moments did exist...

Watching the first snowfall with little lisa while eating a kubo radio cupcake...hmmm red velvet...

Working my first "ever" catering gig and the ever funky chef showed me how to make an amazing banana/strawberry desert - all of us stopped dead into our tracks and just thought happy thoughts with each spoonful... I seriously can't wait to make this at home for my family and friend

And just saved all my pennies [literally] to buy this amazing funky xmas tree at hardware to decorate with my friends on sunday nite. I really like this tree and everyone was just smiling at me [and the tree] as I was walking it home -  some xmas music, hot chocolate and good company should start putting the "happy" back into the holiday.

Rad moments were :

Working 38hrs from Mon to Wed
Beer fast temptation - it's been 6 weeks and literally EVERYDAY!!!!!!! I get offered a free beer from someone. It hurts.
Too much banana/strawberry desert made my tummy wummy hurt and I was sick for half a day.

Well speak to you all very soon as my top ten-five - whatever finally gets put out on Monday morning!

Peace
Jam







Monday, December 04, 2006

wow >!>

My top ten is 7 pages + that's a very long email to send out. I didn't realize that my past 6 months have been that interesting to note...

Will have to think of a way to resend or edit down some stories...

I know some of you are anxious - so don't pee your pants yet...check out a pic of 2 of my FAVE coffee places in Toronto - Mercury and DarkHorse Espresso - the latter has the best interior of any coffee place in Toronto - hands Down!!

I dare you to find something better...

Jam

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Top Ten is forming up...

But here is some videos that I decided to put up now - to test out my friends network.

I hope that you enjoy....
& eletter/comment for feedback....

Jam

Friday, December 01, 2006

hey hey yeh

life is busy and still growning - I am learning alot about myself - especially sitting down to write up my top ten list for the past 6 months. It's amazing to see how self absorbant and reflective I have become lately.

I need to find more joy in the small things in life > it's hard when you know that you are better than this.

back to writing something more logical.

jam

Friday, November 24, 2006

Sketches

Last nite I went to the old pub to sit down and watch ER... I love Abby - to bad she's not real.
Community TV watching is the best...great commentary from folks in the neighbourhood.

Then one of the regulars came in and did a sketch of the other "regulars" for his art show - he spent about an hr sketching and came up with something pretty darn good.

He told me that I looked very meditated and calm - I felt very depressed and silent.
Go figure.

The show starts in 2 weeks and I wonder how much I will go for...

I start the bidding at 0.25$ any takers?

Jam

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

blogging

I don't have internet at home/some virus has wrecked the PC and I have a MAC - it's just super complicated....
- so I have been scrouging at my local coffee shop for e-time when I have it...

It's been a crazy week everyone - with mucho job hunting with absolutely NO results.
So I took a break and went to a friends cottage  in Parry Sound for a weekend. It was fun watching the 40 yr old virgin, canoeing and playing poker. The worst part was the amount of beer that was present and not just crappy piss water "molson beer" but good beer like steam whistle, creemore > someone even got some Pilsner Urquell lookalike from Czech - it was hard but I managed not to drink a drop of the 80+ bottles that was there that weekend.
I feel good about that - like I withstood a test...

Well this week in meditation I have added another super "item" in which I write down every "sin" of the day...It's hard and I found myself yesterday in a state of confusion last nite and in just one day I can see patterns that appear.

Okay off to check out some India stats for a proposed trip.

Peaceo
Jam


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Ghandi Fast

On Monday some friends and I meet At Kuba Radio for $3 pints and cupcakes - it's a Monday nite tradition and this one was special because I was starting my fast on Tuesday.

I am really excited about this because I did this fast while I was meditating in India in June and it was awesome....

During this time I was reading Ghandi's Autobiography: My experiments with Truth and during it faith forced me into eating less, spending less, sharing more, being still and focusing more on the meaning of it all.
So I learnt alot during this point in my life and changed more than I ever did on any trip - except for that Sahara thingy back in 2000.
+ I feel that I have not applied any real lessons to my life upon my arrival in the West. It's really hard to find that good balance.

Step One this week: Is writing down every purchase this week and justifying the expense

Next Week: I write down every "so called sin" in my mind and think about my actions.
I did this several years ago and it hurt so much I gave up.

Wish me luck
Jam

Danielle

Dear Danielle,

I love dogs and judging from the pic of your dog it looks very fluffy, fun and well mannered.
However the green irish lepruchan hat has to go... does your dog where that on the street?
Or eat lucky charms out of it :>

Just to prove that I am not a hater of all things small + furry my family is cat sitting for blinky.

Regards
Jam

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Dark Tower

I am sitting right now in this place that Lisa calls the Dark Tower and well her office desk is very Lisa. Their is a german calendar, hebrew scripts, a chart with ALOT of random numbers [next weeks 649 pick] a crucifix, a teddy bear [which I named dynamo] and a picture of a dude holding a green bottle. I am guessing this is Lisa's secret crush because he looks cool, has a sinister looking goatee and is drinking a bottle of alcohol.

I think this pic is way better than the pic of the dog holding the green hat....

Well off to start another India meeting and if all goes well we should be there in less than 6 months!!

Peace
Jam

Oh! I started a ghandi meditation today which I am really excited to share and will post more on that tomorrow - once internet starts running at my home again.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Point form + Wedding weekend

I haven't really updated about any happenings in the past couple of days due to some really heavy schedules... but here is the point form

Lisa and I put together a 20+ proposal for FreedomizeIndia 3 and we sat thru a shit load of meetings to put it together

work 30hrs in 4 days with no lunch/breaks - it's hard but I love it!!!

Manage to slowly work my off the tynenol 3' and drugginess toothache

Made a "list" of serious things to get me thru the Nov Sesonal Affected Disorder month.

And

Actually attend a huge family wedding.

I love my family but unfortunately I am considered to be the black sheep because of my travelling/humanitarian/urban hippie lifestyle - so I was bracing myself to be harrassed/put down all weekend. It's been happening for years and as luck would have it - this event came when I wasn't in the best frame of mind.

So I took Friday off work to spend time with the US cousins and it acutally was extremely encouraging. Somehow the family got wind of what I was doing and slowly started to wake up to my work/life. When I went to visit my Godfather he showed me posted newspapers clippings in his office of my work over the past year.
I remmber the last time being in there he told me that christianity/helping people is not going to get you much in life and to get a REAL job/life.

So I was shocked with the 180 and everyone just had questions and really nice things to say...

So the weekend turned out to be a really positive bonding time with my family in Toronto and abroad.

Unfortunately the concept of open bar at a Caribbean/Fantasy Farm wedding should really be banned by all levels of the government.
It's 4:30pm on Sunday and my head hurts.

Head Heavy
Jam

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My female twin

There is a girl sitting across from me at mercury espresso who is
wearing the same shoes, black shirt, blue jeans, drinking the same
coffee and we have the same laptop

I am tooo scared to go say hi...

will the universe collide?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It's hard to be compassionate because compassionate people don't fit into this society....

I said it before and I will say it again. Their is no place in this world for compassionate people. We get screwed over and over and over again...

Being nice at work - got me a promotion, a little more pay and more responsibilities -faster than I like, but today I realized that I took someone else's current job. A nice old lady that spent a week training me - she's pissed. I really feel like I stabbed her in the back and I don't know if I should quit or not. So I just some time off tomorrow to give her a shift back...

I told my supervisor at work that I got overpaid [I never made any dishonest money in my life - why should I start now...] and well her boss didn't seem happen - she's pissed.

I lend people copies of old reports for previous contracts - they copy it + add some stuff of their own and then hand it off to other people - without acknowledging my name or sending me a copy. This has been happening over and over for years now and well now this helping hand is pissed...

+ my new place just smells of bad cigarettes and is quite dirty - I am not obligated to stay and I could leave with all funds intact but I feel bad for my tenants and I think it's best to be nice, tough it out - I am trying my best to be humble and to imagine how lucky [and really how blessed I am] to have a roof over my head. Even if I will be miserable for a month.

Tonite I meet someone who said that I have inspired her to become a better person and I am a major influence in her life.

I certainly don't feel this way and yet on the way to see her and for about 2 hrs after I was crying my eyes out.

I feel like a failure wherever I go and whatever I do...the fear is really changing me.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I don't like taking medicine.

But since this dental surgery - I have been popping back tyenlol 3's like a packet of gummi bears. Last nite I couldn't sleep, my tooth was aching and it was 4am. So I took a couple and had a deep sleep until 12pm.

I really hate taking medicine because I believe that your body just gets dependant on drugs for recovery - the way I see it we humans have been around for eons - we can really starve off most colds and diseases, but instead we rely on medication for quick fixes - I haven't take any meds in about 2 years and taking these pills is having a serious effect on me.

Hopefully it wouldnt' distort my views of church and my meeting for India.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Times have changed.

Who is the rising superpower?
Is this trade[oil] or aid[s]?

April to October - Income Free!

Yesterday I received my first pay cheque in 6 months. Again I am considerable blessed and I guess not really materialistic.

Since April I have managed to travel in India, Thailand and Cambodia - fly home - hitchhike Canada and afford living in downtown Toronto for 2 months + buy a used very cool iBook.

And I did all of this without borrowing money from the credit card [except for that dental fiasco] and anybody else.

Somehow I have managed to do most of it on my own.
That's very impressive in my book.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

A really long day of pain....

I woke up at 7:00am headed to work - which is washing dishes/cooking at a cafe - fortunately the cafe is about a 1min walk so it's really close. Unfortunately they really like me and I keep getting more work, more pay and more responsibility than I want. I am really glad to learn how to prep and make good food. It's really bizarre I think this is training for something in my life.
I worked for 6 1/2 hrs with no break and standing on my feet - it's hard but I really really really like it - then I left for my other short part time job - cleaning another place. A solid 2 hrs of hard physical back breaking work > but i loved every second of it except that I was a bit tired.

There is something rewarding about being able to leave work at the door. For the first time in my life.

I came home for 5 mins collected my stuff and headed to meet my friend Andrew - only to sit waiting at the wrong Second Cup. He was at King and John and I was at Queen and John - a block apart!! So we missed each other...
It's really funny because the reverse situations happened with a friend and I last week Sunday. So now I can have a tired laugh.

Then I headed off to meet my friend Lisa and we started a nice 3 hr long meeting for FreedomizeIndia 3. Lisa is one awesome women - we had some of the same thoughts and I can feel some momentum building up for this trip. My major hope is that we can delays tomorrow's meeting and replace it with "Borat"

I finally made it back to my pub around 11:00 and got a quiet pint because the whole bar was hooked on the soprano's.

Now it's close to 1:00am - and I am currently working on my presentation for school tomorrow and preparing for the 7:30am wakeup.

Did I mention that I did this day on Tyenol 3's and with my tooth aching with pain.

I want a medal. No I demand one.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Moving to the east side...

Well I am really blessed to be living above a nice French Bakery - the smell of fresh bread in the house every morning is quite a good smell + those classic "roomie" moments make it fun - like when my I got a phone call telling me to come downstairs to the restaurant because he needed a hand finishing the chocolate cake.

Since I don't own a bed and sleep on the floor - it's also good to wake up to laughter and nice music.

But tonite I am moving a couple houses over on the same old Degrassi Street - it's my 4th move on this street and even though it's my 6th? move in the past 2 years - it's nice to be in the same hood. Really nice people that look out after each other.

I am also glad that I am minimalist - everything that I have in my current room fits into two MEC backpacks. It will take me about 1/2hr to pack and clean my room. Probably one day I will grow up and be able actually live in a place for more than a year and heck even settle down [oh! shit what am I saying!] - but in the meantime I will just pack and unpack and remmeber how blessed I am to have a roof, food and a great safe city to live in.

Well off to pack.

Well wishes in tooth aching land.
Jam


Dental Surgery

It was an emergency visit to the dentist yesterday. I ditched work halfway thru and made the long trek to the 905. After an examination by a local dentist, I was sent to the oral surgeon - and in the span of 10 minutes he removed my tooth. This man was a proffesional.  It hurt like mad. Especially the needles.
But fortunately I had some 2 songs to keep me company "walk on" by U2 and Aimee Mann "Save me" keeping me company so it made life a little easy + I love that they were random songs and they set the mood.

I also thought of the pain that I have seen on people's faces in India and throughout the world - it made my a little easier to bear.

I don't have money to pay the bill - but thank heavens for credit cards and slow re-payments.
Taking the day off today is a very bad thing to do - because I am now a day behind and it's Nov 1st. It's my moving day, fun work this morning and a meeting with a friend that I have been looking forward to for a week.

At least the left side of my face is numb and hurting with pain - it's kinda crazy and cool.


Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tooth Ache!

I believe that's the correct term - it's amazing what you write when you are in constant pain.
The massive pain in my right molar has become annoying. It comes and goes without warning and sometimes it tingles to full on tear eye - jaw aching weeping.

But gave me several things to think about:

I don't have $1000+ to get it fixed - so I have to live with this pain until I get some money.
Yesterday I attended a family wedding - had a couple shots of Johnny Walker gold [one of my five drinks] with my dad and the pain didn't transfer to my head - who didn't say alcohol can't help your problems :>
My Vippessana meditation really comes in handy - but most people think I am day dreaming...which suits me find. I need to send a letter of thanks to my monk friend.
Prayer is good.
Singing is good - right now I have Sufjan Stevens - Chicago - in my head - it makes walking down the street a little bit lighter and fun...

Well speaking of the world I must step out into it now. Off to church.

Jam

If you want to give Sufjan a try check it out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg7BEHIo-g4

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Teeth pain...

The day keeps getting better - my aching tooth is now killing with pain.
My eyes are watering from the pain and now I have to head off to a wedding.

Awww!!! Patience and a good pint of English guiness is what I crave!

Jam

Friday, October 27, 2006

Shitty week...

This has been the shittest week to ever hit the fan in a very long time. Tonite was the topping on the cherry.
I learn everyday that North American life is just hard - I work with nuns, missionaries and forgiven people.

Right now I am soooo alone in my thoughts - I am really fucked up.

Why am I here? What is the real reason? The joy of life and the joy of suffering has faded and I find it all very hard - I just want to quit.

But how do you quit life?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Why do I keep giving?

Is it because I want to keep getting hurt?

Hopefully not - but thats how I feel right now. I feel alone and very very frustrated.
I am naturally a giving person - last year instead of paying off my debt I decided to give away 1/3rd of my salary because of my "you only live once" philosphy.

Now I am home and the friends that I flown, drove around, called sent gifts, drinks, prayed etc - just aren't coming through.

I know that you should give, not hoping for anything in return - but this is the selfish part in my that's screaming out...especially now that I am here...don't I even deserve a little something?

I really should expect nothing> then why do I set myself up for this disappointment?

I feel the fear changing me.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Bye Bye Riverdale

If this does happen - Queen East will not be the next Queen West... More like North York in Scarborough...
As much as I dont want to say it - I'll say it > This will happen - the future is fucked:.

A really funny Borat clip...




I seriously can't wait for the movie! It's very good to have something to laugh about...

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Last Tuesday...

So last week I had a dilmena to choose > mate's concert or ethical travel talk?

Well I choose travel talk. And I made the journey out to Elora - a town that I haven't visited since a random road trip with a friend back in 96'. We slept in my car waiting outside for his girlfriend so we could suprise her with some gift - instead we feel asleep, the snow covered the car and she drove off to work with outseeing us. It was cold, we were hungry but it was a classice road trip that was soooooo much fun.

So my trip to Elora this time was very different. It was really cool to meet a bunch of youth from Kenya and across Canada. My talk went really well and the group asked intelligent questions + they were very inspired by my stories and travelling experience. It was really more of honour to talk with good receptive people. Plus it made me realize the whole reason why that self sacrificing work is important in our society.

Where will we be without those diligent leaders?

Jam

Wedding @ Steam Whistle

I am not a big fan of weddings and have attended only a handful in my life - but yesterday my old friend was getting hitched and she insisted I attended. Usually I am far off in some distant land but being back in da city - I couldn't come up with a resonable excuse...

So I made the trek out to the 905 to check out this wedding in my old church. It was sort of flashback to the past, and a flashforward to the future - the old youth pastor was present, little kiddies that I babysitted for and drove around in youth group, the sunday school class which I taught for 5 years and the 20 foot church wall that I use to climb and sit on top for fun.

Well times have definitely changed - the "old" youth pastor now has two kids and his wisdom has grown ten-fold, one of the little kiddies is now researching Afghanistan foreign aid diplomacy @ the house of commons in ottawa [and invited me for a tour!], the 6 yr old that I taught in sunday school is now in 2 yr university and just graced carnegie hall with the harp.
And that 20 ft wall looks incredible hard to climb right now...

I feel like everyone in the world has "grown up" except me - because almost all the work I do is overseas - it's not tangible so I have absolutely nothing to show for it and well to converse with people about my experiences it puts me in the "weird" category.

I do have to admit though - that all of it was ridiculously fun and I was simple amazed to catch up on stories and take part in a beautiful perfectly plan wedding. Steam Whistle is an amazing venue for a wedding & the beer is just clean and crisp.

+ too much open bar is making my head a little dizzy.

Jam

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Shop! Shop! Shop!

I don't know what to make of this...but shopa[hot]lic goes to church? I love that background.

Courtesy of uk.msn

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Lost started at 8pm

I am a big loser. Enough said.

Lost

is going to start right now.
The candles are lit, the incense is on, the wine is already half done and the popcorn is in the microwave...


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Rain Rain go away...

The rain doesn't look like it will stop - not today not ever. It kinda reminds me of my last Cdn summer in Portage except without the massive basement flooding.

Regardless I am sitting back on the couch drinking some tea I picked up in Darjeeling and listening to my rainday mix on Itunes... Royal City, The books and Boemfontain are keeping me in good company + the candles are in full swing.

It's very shanti shanti here right now.

So a small dilemina has emerged >>>
My good mate is playing at The Drake tonite for some Fashion Show afterparty and I really wanted to go but unfortunately the text message came to late - because tonite I am heading to Elora to talk on ethical travelling for a youth exchange program [the same one I worked for last year - I still love em' to bits...]

Fashion Show Party with good mate or Ethical travelling workshop - Which do I love more?

Ah!!!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

A beautiful day in the neighbourhood! + REALLY funny clip!

I went to bed around 4am woke up at 10 and then started s nice sunny day...

Spent 2 hrs sort of cleaning the house + laundry. I miss the
laundrymate it's a nice place to hang out and people watch, read and
of course do laundry.
Went shopping in my hood for brekkie items and made a fantastic egg,
croissant, and organice salad with soy milk for brekkie/lunch.

Then sat back on watched this video:

http://www.vimeo.com/clip:27810
about the suicide jumper...

I almost coughed it all up. This is really really fun!!!!!!!!!

Well now I am off to play some gold old Super Nintendo mario kart with
my friend. It's been a while...

Ah...the ignorant life....and the meaning of it all...

Jam

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I have become my worst nightmare...excerpt from my diary...

I am at my parents for Thanksgiving weekend and it's cool to be home again.
Looking through the old diary and taking a couple things home I found this old excerpt from the travel dairy...

"I don't want to go back home - I know that I am going to find myself waiting one day waiting for the Tram [streetcar] near Q and B [Queen and Broadview] complaining that it's 10 minutes late - because I will late to have a cup of coffee with a friend while discussing antiodotes about the weather, movies and some 50% of sweater at the gap...all this while my belly hangs over my trousers and trying to find my tube mix on my ipod"
Cambodia August 2006

Well it seems that most of this has come to pass I do live near Q and B, I take the tram all the time, I realized this weekend that I have gain 15lbs since being back from Thailand - the clothes I have from 6 weeks ago barely fit me now.
I have been late to meet my friends - even though most of the conversations have not been about sweaters at the gap. The only truth is that I don't have an ipod - I refused to get one but I know I will bow to consumerism and get something I don't need later on.

This is all my fault. I am eating more because it's good to have my fave food again and it's good to drink alot of Toronto beer. I love and curse you Mill St!

I need to know how to apply the lessons I have learnt overseas into my daily life here and not conform to the patterns of this world. I am better than this and this weekend home again has made me realize this....

Now what do I do?

Jam

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Another good idea lost...




Too bad the TTC wouldn't put this into print. Ideas like these promote pride, generate revenue and just makes our city cooler.
It's also black so I like it.

Jam

Taken from: http://spacing.ca/wire/?p=1207

A couple hours of Dodge Ball!!


pic: courtey of http://spacing.ca/wire/?p=1203

A couple 10yr old Dj's spinning some Nelly, Gnarls Barkely and a room full of plastic Balls. The nite was definitely fun - I got my glasses knocked off [what a nerd] and we spent 5 minutes canvassing the floor for it.

Nuit Blanche you were sooo much fun.

it was also nice to watch people collapse by lac one by one @ 4:am while nursing a pint. I love you camera bar - it's been a while.

A really nice way to spend the nite with friends.

Jam

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Fire Dept outside my window...

Last nite as I was just about to hit the bed - I mean floor to sleep
[I don't own a bed that's way too much material possessions than I
want]

I heard the fire engine pull up outside my window right on queen
street. The lights and noise freaked me out, so I quickly put on a
pair of trousers and rushed down the stairs...
The fireguys were putting out a small fire that erupted when someone
threw their cigarette into the cardboard recycle trash on the curb.

The whole thing was out before it really started but as I was walking
up the long steps back to my place - two big questions hit.

What would have happened if that really started? One of the best hip
breakfast places [underneath my apartment] in the city would have be
in trouble... but how would I get out from my apartment with only one
exit?

Any how the hell did my roomie sleep through the whole thing?

I guess he adapted to the sparks on the 501 tram line and the traffic
noise. Anyway that made me think for at least 5 minutes before hitting
the bed - I mean floor.

Peace + Blessings
Jam

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Nuit Blanche

It's raining tonite - I hope the weather clears up for the big arts feast that is happening around the city.

My friend and I spent the day together in meetings, improtu lunches and some suprisingly bad Octoberfest beet at the Distillery.  For the first time Mill Street really disappointed me...

Well I am late to head off to a Costa Rican goodbye party - and some all nite Nuit Blanche.

Excited!

Peace
Jam

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Amazing pic of Old City Hall


It's 1am - I am in my new apartment - the tram is right outside my window and unbelievable - I love the city noise.
Just browsing through my fave site... spacing.ca and got linked to this pic.

Spacing is an awesome Toronto magazine - this issues are well designed, practical and simple amazing... A job well done.

My Broadview + Queen buttons travelled everywhere with me for the past 2 years. To bad my ttc tickets expired and the transit cost went up 25 cents in that time... :>

Well good nite...to the sound of the 501 tram.

Jam

Moving...again...

I spent the last two days going through every single thing I own
chucking stuff and keeping stuff...

My material life can now fit into 6 boxes and 2 are in storage. About
1/5 of that is books...I am just too much of a nerd for reading and
have a hard time giving them up. I have the same problem when I
travel and I sometimes sacrifice books for clothes and food. It's fun.

I still have alot of my 70's clothes so forgive me - I know the 80's
are in style now - but I still love my clothes and beside the 70's
will never die!!

Well I can't wait to move back down to the Queen East side - it's my
favourite place to live in Toronto and I am trying to do it simple
this time. One backpack and one blankie...

I am soo excited!!!!!
Well off to Overjoy with my mom for her B-day and moving in...

Jam

Currently Listening: Grey Album - Dj Dangermouse - It's a mix of the
White Album from the Beatles and the Black Album from Jay Z.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Compassionate people finish last...

I had a meeting yesterday that was very different/encouraging than what I expected and during it my old boss called me a "compassionate" person. So I quickly mumbled back that compassionate people finish last and then held my tongue quickly.  

In my opinion it's true.

Too much compassion was the reason I was sitting down having a 2 hour cup of tea talking about work...being in the position that I was...

Compassionate people don't live - they get killed off by this world and the politics. The big wigs like Ghandi, Kennedys, Martin Luther all get killed off before they can really develop change in the world...and what we are left with it are the remnants that we aspire to be...

Then these new heroes of "compassionate" people like Bill Gates + Clinton, first rape the planet with their work, then they get a little bit older and wiser and decide to give it back? Yeah they are heroes and I do admire them and I can go on and on about the amazing things they are doing now...

But the people who are young and still trying to live it out realize that this world is NOT a caring one they end up getting screwed. This world seriously doesn't allow us to breathe and grow. Their is no time or space... Still don't believe me?

Well read the beloved Julia's blog - honsest venting and a person I admire.

I have a crap load of friends who are in the same boat and it's sad.
It really does pay to be a bitch.

Peace + Blessings
Jam

Listening to: CBC Podcast - See Vous Play


BTW>>>I love Widgets


My new [used] computer is really spiffy...It's got some really cool programs and one of them is called widgets.
i can set up programs to use at a glance and in less than 5 seconds I can glance at currency exchange, post a blog, make a call, check gmail and the weather - it's sooo cool and it saves me alot of time - even though I am doing nothing right now it saves me time to do more of nothing :>

Doing a whole lot of nothing
Jam

Monday, September 25, 2006

Sunny Day

Today looks like a sunny day... I am off for some meetings and a late nite game of Risk.
I hope it's a sunny day for you all...

Jam

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Good food + Good company

On Wednesday I had the opportunity to catch up with my friend Little Lisa @ the Distillery - After a pint of Mill St. we headed to Soma chocolate to grab some truffles.
I had such a fantastic afternoon walking through the city and stopping at parks to slowly salivate those truffles....hmmm...

After we heading to a friend's living room for dinner and then to my friend's B'day. I accidentally forgot her name and I had no other option but to write on the card - "Happy Bday to my best mate's girl" I think she suspects I am an idiot and she's absolutely RIGHT!

Well Tonite some friends and I headed to:

http://www.lecafevert.com

As part of the Leslielicious! food fest on Queen East - this use to be my old hood and starting next week it's going to be my new family again.
The food was EXCELLENT! - organic, environmentally and served to us with a good heart. Even the napkins were green, chlorine free and Canadian!  The service was simple amazing and the place isn't really pretentious but instead a place that I could stay and chat forever and ever...

I am forever blessed to have some good friends and more amazingly blessed to eat such good food and diverse food. Tonite I remembered how 3 months ago I was on the river Ganges in India starving and eating half a watermelon for my main meal.

It's simply amazing how much my life changes...again I am blessed and grateful for it all.

Nite
Jam

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It's bed time - but I must here this song once again before shutting my eyes..




Nite nite
Jam

I am writing from my new...

Ibook! After hours searching and searching throught the heap of text on Craigs List - I was offered a really really really good ibook for $350! I didn't need something superfancy just something that can handle the day to day life of a travellor and it's got wireless + CDR + it's superfast... I still couldn't believe my luck + the couple that I purchased it from where extremely nice and they even gave me a carry bag :>

I just love this new computer because my last one died in transit from Sri Lanka and I hopefully have some files backed up somewhere....but now I can finally make additions on to my website, finally finish off some other projects and have something to call my own.

Unfortunately I went through the other few possessions that I own today from the garage and I found out that I am a huge collector of books, papers and CD's. As far as I am concerned I don't need any of those things, but it's good to keep school records + other things that provide some sort of sentimentally attachment to my family - and my goal is to narrow down ALL of my possessions from 6 cardboard boxes to 3. Let's see if this will all work.
 
I hope it does.

Peace
Jam

BTW>> My best mate got an Xbox last week from his girlfriend [double lucky him ] and in honour of most of our childhood years wasted on videogames...
We rented a game called GhostRecon Advanced Fighter and played till the wee hours of the morning....it's a complicated game with soooo many buttons and sooo much blood. Man I really miss the old 2 button Nintendo and some good old fashion Tecmo SuperBowl.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Hypocritically Social

After saying all that on my last blog - I got a phone call from my old boss 10mins later after blogging it and we hooked for an improtu lunch. I had no plans to talk about "work" but then the cup runneth over - it just seems that my last contract just wouldn't die!!!!
I learnt so much about myself and working with others that's it's amazingly good for me and now I still have another meeting next week so the learning continues...

After > to instill more learning I met with some of my participants from my last contract and had a shot of espresso in Little Italy. We talked about Sri Lanka and working at Mother Teresa's - we both miss it really badly...and we sort of understand what we have come back too...

After my best mate and I met at Beer Bistro on King Street - had a pint of a summer Apricot beer and laughed about a whole lot of "nothing". I love my mate!!

After my siste and I hit the midnite madness film "Princess" which was simply amazing I really enjoyed the barrier pushing of uncomfortable innocent animation. Although Thursday's Midnite Madness "Severance" was simply ONE of the best + funniest films I have seen at the festival in a while... I can't wait to rent that with all whole bunch of friends...

Well after that long nite I feel quite tired and extremely hypocritically but I guess it was good to push myself and it's even better to answer the phone when it rings.

Peace
Jam

Listening to : Final Fantasy "The lamb that sells condo" - I think he is talking about this guy! Which is quite hilarious! I have seen his ads all over Toronto.

Friday, September 15, 2006

I feel like a social awakard freak

It's quite crazy that I would travel 3 hrs to take a 2hr course > that world makes absolutely no sense to me...
It's also the 2nd week in a row that the TTC has had distruptions on the line...that is really quite bizarre a 50 cent increase since I left = longer bus waits + disruptions. Somehow this makes even less sense....

In case some people are wondering where in the world is that jam? - well yes I am back in Toronto but I have been really spending alot of time at home with the folks, exploring future plans and this week busy with the film festival... I am not really trying to avoid anybody - it's just that I feel that I can't relate to anybody here - to anything in the there daily lives - like discussing the cost of a sweater at the so and so store, new music, relationships [that's a whole different post > and well everyone treats me like the travellor and they just keep asking about travel stories, religious affiliations - some of them are just REALLY bizarre.

Also I think my meditation and my alone time for months in far away places has made me really socially awkward for things...

I guess I don't have much to talk about it and people don't really now me that well to talk about anything else... I need to think of more clever things to say and talk about...any suggestions...

I am sure this is just a phase will leave soon? I hope it is - it feels like I am burshing my friends off and my life here...

Peace + Blessings
Jam

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Blog shares? + PTO

It seems that my blog is actually worth more than a penny!

So I spent the last couple checking out the town of Peterborough and I really really like it. It's small, hippy, friendly and clean - the downtown area kinda reminds me of my old hood on Queen Street East...

It was even more awesome to meet a couple friends from old contracts and talk about good times and catch up. It's amazing to hear how those trips ACTUALLY change people's lives + these people are simply quite amazing people to be around.

It's times like those that really make this life really worth it.

Peace + Blessings
Jam

Oh! checked out my mate's concert @ the Supermarket last nite and well he rocked -it's kinda cool to hear some songs in production for like 2 years and then see it come together live on stage. The music industry just amazes me in that sense....





Monday, September 11, 2006

Film Festival Time! + RENT!!

So the last couple days have been busy and then pockets of complete emptyness...

On Saturday I ended up seeing "The US vs John Lennon" which I really didn't think was that good of a movie - too many spinning heads of John Lennon with background music, choopy writing and too many missing pieces...  But overall it was good for VHS 1 production + it was VERY revelant to the world today.
 
However on Saturday nite I found myself home alone because my phone just wasn't cooperating with my "fido" network...I though they fixed those things...So it was quite bizarre to see Rent last nite on The Movie Network - it was premiering - so I popped some popcorn, turned up the volume and sung my eyes out..I love a rent...it was sooo good.
 
So the film I say last nite was good + bad = Shortbus.  I went to the rush line and it stopped @ my  friend and I.. we were the last to get through it was awesome, so far I never been denied a ticket for any films at the festival and it's quite amazing...
 
Well tired and filmed out - but now I am in PTO seeing friends and the sites, back to start the films again Wednesday...
 
Peace + Blessings
Jam
 

 

Friday, September 08, 2006

Distillery today + Film Festival

I am quite amazed that after 9 1/2 months away from Toronto and working in some of the worst conditions of India that my culture shock is somewhat over after 3 days...its kinda bizarre or I am still dreaming.

Last nite I had a drink at Joe's with a travellor [CWY] and she was quite impressed with that - I was impressed by her ability to travel and live large - it's nice to have a handful of people with similar lives anbd paths that live in Canada.

Well off to go for a walk in the Distillery - grab a much needed coffee, see some mill street, check out a new mac at the Apple store [ or craziness ] and off to the Midnite Madness! So excited about seeing that part of the hood.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Sunny day...

It's a really sunny day in Toronto and it's nice to walk around - 2 days ago I walked around Queen St East in my old neighbourhood and poked my head into the old pub.  The owner remmbered me and my drink - it's so nice to be home.

Hooked up with some Queen East buddies and I might have a place to stay in October right on Degrassi my old street - things are waking up slowly for me...
I am finally get accustommed to being back home - waking up past 8am, eating two meals a day and now I started running a bit to start training myself for the Toronto Marathon.

Right now I am at the old school trying to figure out some part time courses to keep my brain flowing...Emily Haines is keeping my brain mellow
http://myspace.com/emilyhaines

Peace
Jam

Monday, September 04, 2006

Just can't sleep....

Finished the laundry, packing and labelling of gifts for my friends + family....and well I am SCARED...

I came back to Toronto and tomorrow is the new season here for school,work and life for basically everyone...except me. I have no plan for the first time in my life >

No school, no job and not one solid plan past tomorrow. It's soooo scarry.

This doesn't bug me anywhere else in the world - I just roll with the punches... but here at home it's really not the norm.

I came back to spend time with family, friends and catch up on some skills...but doing that in the past week I feel so alone and useless. I know i am past the sitting down at the cafe drinking non fat latte's talking about how I saved 50% on some sweater at the gap...

I know I don't fit here... but tonite - I feel like a piece of the puzzle that will never fit - it's so hard/depressing or is this just bull shit over analyzing cultural shock?

AHHH!!!!!!!!!

Ganges Water + American Apparel shirt =

Mildew.

I have some water from the holy ganges river from my time there in July and I put it in a container and then in my water proof sack - somehow my only original "plane" clothes ended up int he bag. The both have had fun in there for 3 weeks.

Today while spending over 8 hrs in laundry and cleaning I found my fave shirt and it's looked really bad...the washing didn't help - it's has a scare > it's my fave shirt and I msut find a use for it in my wardrobe.
So if you see me wearing a black shirt underneath something chances are it's still in my collection and jsut remind me that it needs to go "home" or go tell me to go home and change.

Peace + Blessings
Jam

A day of laundry + emailing and stories...

I have been in Toronto for a week and I am now doing laundry for past couple weeks...updating my websit - blog, pics + I am can finally start working on those long overdue e-letters.

Well prepare for a day of fun! and my first full day all to myself in a very very very long time.

OH! man

Jam

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Cottage Country is awesome...

Stopped in to visit my old camp - OPC and meet with some really old friends it was awesome to recconect with the past. I was sooooo sad that I didn't work there this year....
 
Now my mom and I are in Haliburton for a mom-son retreat. It's the first one ever and I am very excited to this especially after spending 9 months in the womb and all... + old mom's are soooo cute...
 
Man I need to spend more time in cities again.
 
Peace + Blessings from fresh air country!
Jam

Monday, August 28, 2006

behind on emails...

After re-checking my inbox and drafts...I am very behind on emails > in some cases 3 weeks...
I just found one that I started last Nov to my friend Janice in Toronto - my head space was so different then...

Looks like I know what I will be doing after I get back from the long weekend @ cottages...

So forgive [if you can] and I shall write soon...I promise :> Janice [UK and Toronto]

Peace yo.
Jam

Back home!

It's soooo weird to be back in Toronto - like very weird thru it all...

In my first 24 hrs...
I watched Tv, had a big family meal, sat on a couch for an hr, went to a Trinidad vs Jamacia football game at lampot stadium, went to a church [for the first time in 10 months!], had a drink of Framboise at Smokeless....ahhh! so good to have a good pint! and walked King Street West - which I realized I don't really like that much...

Everything is big concrete and ugly - way tooo much commercialism not enough character.

That could be a slint movement of culture shock talking in me but it's realy crazy to see the same starbucks, second cup, loblaws box stores on every corner - it's really repitive and boring...where is the spice [beside the other dollar and convience store]

Now I am off to cottage country to spend a couple days with some close buddies + family...

I can't wait to get back and start some sort of routine [?]

Peace from TORONTO!!! ah!!
Jam


Saturday, August 26, 2006

hitchin :.

Hitchin is hard, but soooooooo much fun - I meet some amazing people, have amazing stories and I can't believe that I did it from BC and in Ontario already! Less than 5 days....

Well tomorrow is my day of blogging and tonite is the nite for sleeping and eating...I haven't slept properly in a week and I need to eat more than a sandwich a day...

Peace from Ontario and soon Toronto!
Jam

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Back in Canada + Nice Time in Seoul

I had the best 11hr layover in Korea, instead of paying $20 US for food + internet at the airport and sleeping on some lounge seats. I decided that the best thing was to take that money and head out into the city. Who needs sleep?

Now I have a travelling rule - if I am not in the place for more than 2 nites - then I haven't been there..it might get mentioned in my blog but I rarely talk about it and I don't show pics. So there are soooo many countries/cities that I have landed or visited but I don't get enough time to actually spend in the place and soak it up...
So with that I chucked away any guides + maps and decided not to ask any directions from anyone - just explore. So I hoped on a bus and decided City hall is always exciting in every country...The drive was awesome into the city and and as soon as I got off the bus - I stepped right into a opening parade for the city palace and I found that admission was free! It's so weird to have a Royal Palace with tree in the middle of the city but a very peacefully place to relax.  So many things were free in the city because it was independence day and it was so cool to walk around and explore the city - it's so huge.

With too much going on I took the 70 minute/confusing subway out to Incheon ... which I guess was close to the airport and easier to get back -since I didn't have a watch.  Incheon is a really cool port city with amazing shops, a cool boardwalk on the beach and very friendly people.  Walking in the hills and eating market food was sooo nice...

Speaking of friendly people - where did all the minorities go in Korea? I am accustom to people staring at me because I just look awkward [especially little kids :] - but I didn't see anybody for the WHOLE day...Thank God the airport showed some signs of life.

I heard that Incheon Aiport is one of the best airports in the world and I agree - it's actually possible to get from plane to bus in less than 15 minutes with luggage - very good for an international airport. Winnipeg is 2nd closest...

Now I am in Vancouver staying with some friends on Davie street in an old heritage building. I really love the building and the people are soooo friendly!

Well of to spend sometime in Granville soaking up the sun and hopefully get a brewery tour - it's been a while...

Peace from CANADA! Land of the lovely people...
Jam

Monday, August 14, 2006

leaving now :...

So I should be heading on a plane in about 4 hrs...

But found out my route is Korea for 18hrs - big delay and then LA - 4 hrs oh Mother of all things nice help me.
I know that I am going to get stopped and searched and then I KNOW that I will miss my flight...

I hate my passport tooo many steps in to many unknown countries...

well let's see how this works out...

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Last nite in Bangkok :< wait Asia...

After 9 months in Asia - it's finally time to hit the road and start making my way back to Canada. I still have some more blogs to transfer from my journal about Asia, but today is a sad day for me.
 
Bangkok is starting to feel like home - heck I even staying at a friends place that has no tourist and I love eating food that I have no idea what the name is - and even what's in it....
 
So today I went shopping - I have to ditch all the clothes I travelled with for the last 9 months and buy new ones [unfortunately their is NO fair trade shops in Bangkok and so it's really hard to get clothes] - I am still debating about what to do?
 
Toured around some of my favourite spots, ate some street pad thai and saw my friend perform tonite at the public square, in honour of the Queens B-Day.  It was very impressive to see a Canadian girl dancing on stage with all those Asians on stage and in front of at least 4000 people in the square... - I have to give her credit she did an amazing job!
 
So I hope I fall asleep tonite - actually i am sure I won't because I still have to figure out what to take in my small bag.
 
Peace from Asia :<
Jam

Saturday, August 12, 2006

some plans ruined or moving with the flow?

So I got on a flight but it's not for another 3 days - and it cost a bit more...but all is good...
 
I get to be on the other side of the world soon!
 
I messed up meeting my mate in Vancouver for a couple days and I hate ruining other people's plans its really good sometimes to go with the flow of it all....
 
A couple good things is that my friend is performing for the queen's birthday celebration in Bangkok and I get to see her dance on stage like a fairy! This should be so much fun! Now I wish that my camera wasn't stolen...
 
Peace from Bangkok for the billionth time -
 
Jam
 
NOT listening to Jack Johnson! Every illegally CD store is playing his music and it echo's in the backpacker district!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

A Crazy couple of days....today is bad!

Just spent 30 hrs on a bus to get from Cambodia to Bangkok - it was fun and tiring and I haven't slept properly in two days and I am excited to go home.
So this morning I went to pick up my ticket that I - 75% pre-paid for 1 month ago.  This man hasn't let me down in the past 4 months with flights, visas and has a reputation for being the best in the business on Kao San Road and my friend Janice swears by him...until today.
 
His friend told me that the seats where full and I was orginally put on a waiting list - which is not true - we spent an hr going through flights,companies and I choose a date I didn't want to go home on, because it was the only thing available in August. My reciept and name was confirmed - all I had to do was pickup my ticket...
 
So now it appears that I dont have a ticket and everything in my budget is booked up for the next couple weeks - I have a hard time leaving Cambodia because I was seriously thinking of living and working there....and now this...
 
I am sooo tired + sleep deprived and I have so much to do before I leave - this is soooo funny. It hurts. I am lost.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Website | Movies | Pizza

It's been awesome to meet some amazing people here in Phnom Penh - yup i am still here I really like it...it's nice place to stay for a very long time...
 
Right now I am helping a group build their website - it's in the beginning stages:
http://net.whereintheworldisjam.com/launch_richpage.xjp?rpid=357
 
It's amazing that I can build a website with only a photoshop knockoff, Interent Explorer and crappy internet/computer access but my friend at 3xj really hooked me up for this.
 
So it's been 7 hrs in front of a computer - I must call it a day...before my eyes explode!
 
Peace and Blessings
Jam
 
Oh - Movies - I have been watching star Tv and it's amazing how many movies I missed - War of the Worlds, Hildalgo and Taxi? When did these come out?
And oh! Pizza's make me happy they remind me off home....
 
Speaking of home I will be in Canada soon and I can't wait to see everyone again....
 

Friday, July 28, 2006

s21 torture cell...

I rented a bicycle and wandered around this capital and eventually found this school turned into a prison/torture camp.

7 out of 17,000 captives survived and it was horrific and sad place.

s21

Jam

BTW>> If you are spiritually sensitive places like this take a while...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Phnom Penh

I arrived here today and I am off now to see some of the wonderful sites of this city.
I am amazed so far on the beauty - the core itself is very beautiful and most of these backpacker hotels are on the lake, facing the sunset and they are inspired bamboo creations....

Reading: First they killed my father - History through the eyes of a child, I couldn't sleep the first nite it was so brutal and unreal. I can't believe I am very blessed to be in this country to witness a change.

Peace to it all
Jam

Monday, July 24, 2006

I am blessed :.

I have had over 30 emails in the past week and I only have time to respond to 2
Life here is very different - the US really messed this country up in the 70's with the secret war and $8 billion US worth of bombing...this country is in a big state of transition.

I have spent the last days visitiing temples - I am all templed out, reading and watching movies about Cambodia. I really like it here and I wish I had some longer time.

Interent is very slow and I am not really on it much so forgive me for not responding - I will be back on it soon starting in 2 weeks. I never seem to stop growning from travelling and the people I meet and the places I experience defitniely give me a better view of it all.

Today my german roomie and I donated blood to a local hospital, and I went to volunteer at a local NGO - it was fun and I got to see a different side of Siem Reap today.Peace and Blessings

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Okay now it's up to 8 emails - I hope more can happen this week!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Away for a while...

My mate is gone and well I am sad... it was really fun and such a good change of pace for me. How often do you get to travel with your best mate?

Well we went through every mode of transport in Thailand and ate more Thad Pai and burgers than anything else but the fun and laughs were priceless...

Now...well now is the opposite extreme for me...after a couple weeks of really good food, amazing hotels, beautiful beaches and wonderful company ... and I am off to this...

http://gridskipper.com/travel/phnom-penh/stung-meanchey-dump-178536.php

and Ankor wat and basic survival... but hopefully I can get some volunteer work there...

Peace + Blessings
Jam

BTW>>> Gridskipper.com is totally awesome! Does anybody know anything about it?

BTW>>> yeah so I will be away from the computer for a while...probably a week or two...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Take a bow....

Youtube has been fantastic to keep up a little bit in the culture and listen to music...
 
Muse's latest one is quite good:
 
 
Wow...can they even say this - without being stoned to death?
 
Jam

India pics!

It's finally up!
 
 
Thailand Internet is good.
 
Happy viewing
Jam

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Full Moon Party :.

The full moon party was great! My mate and I sat on the beach and watched this for a while....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNn5jntn6Js

it was awesome! This party is quite the opposite to meditation - a really big extreme.
I am happy that I am able to keep a balance in my life.

Now the 20hr ride back to Bangkok - a truck, boat, mini bus, train and tuk tuk. I love it all.

Peace from the sun
Jam

Saturday, July 08, 2006

A tourist life...

I can't believe how touristy I have become...

When I first came to Thailand - I spent one month in only 3 cities - Bangkok, Chang Mai and Pai. I am a very really slow travellor [hence 4 times to India and never the middle or south]

Now with my mate I redid all three places in 9 days and now I am heading to a very very touristy Full moon party in the South.
By mini bus, coach, plane, boat and ATV- its so bizarre. The whole trip is 30 hrs from door to door.

It's been a good experience to feel like a full tourist - travelling the way that most off the world do it. It's been also good to travel with my mate - we are completely the opposite people in clothes, life thoughts etc..... I am the humanitarian worker and he's the tdot lawyer, but it's been soooooo awesome to spend the time chatting and travelling.

I just love it.

I also love/hate some of the comforts again, but I feel so blessed everytime I sit down for a meal and check into a hotel again.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

btw> Tax returns are awesome and timely appropriate. Thanks Canada.

Pai again

So I am very lucky and unlucky because it's low tourist season in Thailand now...which also means bad weather but very good prices for hotels, travel and good conversations.

In Pai my friend and I stayed in this hotel for $3 Cdn a nite because we off season rates....

http://www.baanpaivillage.com/

It's very surreal because when I was there in April the place felt super posh and cost around $15 Cdn a nite! I had sheets [instead of my tarp], a clean towel and the new bedroom scent. So weird...But I love bamboo huts by the river, green hills and quiet places...

I just love Pai - I wish I could live there forever it's a laid back place and I understand why so foreigners settle down there for life.

Now we are heading to the beach version in the South ...and see if we can also get a discount from it.

Love to you all
Jam

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A surprise gift [again!] and a new home...

So my friend sent a surprise email and a gift - it was amazing. I still couldn't believe it and it helped me finish my project with the nuns.

Now I am in Thailand and my best mate from childhood flew over from Toronto - I booked this return ticket over 3 months ago [to possible come home?] and it's weird to think that my best mate and I are here in Thailand together. We watched some Muay Thai boxing, walked a billion temples and well I am enjoying his company... I realize more and more I miss my friends and I can't wait to come home in Sept.

I can't wait.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Friday, June 30, 2006

A gift from the nuns and Mother Teresa :.

I finished as much of the project as humanely possible and decided to visit the Mother House and hand off the rest of my files and say "See you later" to the Sisters.

This is an insanely big project and it has been a blessing to get the trust of the sisters to set it up and I am very excited that over 10,000 volunteers a year are going to be using the work and hopefully it will get expanded by other volunteers.

So I gave the Sister in charge my files and I told her if she needed anything to email me [ oh I would love to get one]

She really thanked me for the work that I did and said it was a "blessing" to have me here in Calcutta - apparently word got around about how much I sacrificed for the project in terms of time and money. it was a sad moment and then she ran off to get this gift.

I opened the gift/envelope to find an assortment of cards and then I noticed one with a piece of cloth in the corner. The sister smiled and told me that is was a piece of Mother Teresa's sari! - I couldn't be that she gave this to me...a wave of emotions came over me and it couldn't be held back...
After 4 years of continuos work in Calcutta this was a very touching moment.

I really didn't know what to say - so the sister just bowed and simply said "See ya next year" and went back to washing her clothes.

I stood there stunned by the generosity of it all. How many people get this gift from the sisters?
Wow did I ever feel blessed from it all.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

on the topic of food :. .:this is not normal or is it?

Food and Peace :.

I have been learning alot about food and material possessions in the past month [I jsut got an email from sarcastic telling me to eat] but at the same time removing myself from these unecessary things + the world have made me INCREDIBLE happy. Yeah so my digital camera broke [after 4 years], I sold my Nokia phone for food money and - yes my left ventrical caved when my ipod finally stopped working 4 days ago....

But these things are sooo minor in the scale of life...

Abut 1hr ago I meet a nun that recognized me from the coming and goings for the past 4 years in Kolkata - she acutally thought that I was a homeless/ill person that came for food. She kept staring and me and saying that I lost so much weight. I explained the past month but also the fact that I have found peace and she agreed that I look totally different and I have this new "air" about me.

So through meditation and travelling - materialism + food don't mean much to me and I have very lucky to have some friends in Kolkata that are taking care of me for the past week until I meet my best mate in 3 days [which will be culture shock for me for sure].

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Monday, June 26, 2006

Back in Calcutta and weightless

So after a 36 hr door to door, train and rickshaw ride I am back in Calcutta. Yesterday I started working with the nuns again and it's fun! I felt that I never left.

Everyone is coming straight up to me and saying that I lost ALOT of weight since I left. It's kinda of embarrassing but fun at the same time. I have lost weight because I didn't have enough money to eat and well meditation always does the extra things to you....
The internet cafe owner "Raj" told me that my face got realy small and if I shaved and took over my glasses - I could take a couple years off - my finnish friend commented that all I needed is an extreme makeover :>

Okay enough self talk - I am off to meet the nuns now and finish up this "never ending project"

Peace from the "Black Hole of Calcutta"
Jam

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

120 + eletters!

I have spent the last couple hrs on email and I have barely scratch the surface...
It was weird to be on the internet for sooo long it's tiring above all and yesterday I recieved 2 emails that made me think and scratch my head "Why does email exist again?"
 
I apologize sincerely for the delay in the responses and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

 

Thursday, June 15, 2006

:. India - yeha I am alive :.

Using the net to check out world cup action! and email some family. It's weird to be on it again for soooo long. It feels bizarre [ so much information flowing at once] but like an old friend it's nice. I haven't read all my emails - I think there is over 150 on my gmail count but I look forward to it when I fully immerse myself in the world next week.
 
Trinidad vs England football...oh! sooo excited!
 
Well here's my story: The Christian monastery was full and the Budhhist monastery was under construction so after living for a week in small village, life came to a turn. So I spent 40 hrs travelling to the other side of the country [it was basically like travelling the distance from one side of Nepal to the other] I am now living in an ashram in Rishekshi and discovering my Indian heritage roots. It's good living with all these yogi, spiritual foreigners, pilgrims, sadhu's and some very very important spiritual gurus of India. I spend my day attending lecture and philosphy, doing yoga, and talking with spiritual gurus and other guests about life.  My life has changed from this experience for the better.
 
There is nothing like meditating on the ganges during sunset and thinking about it all....
 
But I gave all my money into this project for mother teresa's so I am really broke - I have been eating one meal a day and living off fruits for the rest - I have lost about 10kgs and I am feeling hungry all the time.... but at the same time I have never been this happy about my life in quite a long time. It's really nice and extremely simple.
 
Peace + Blessings to all
Jam

Thursday, June 01, 2006

VIRUS ALERT + Another Top Ten List + Pics

Hey Everyone,
 
Well it's seems that even though I have taken a month of technology and decided to head away from it all, my Gmail account seems to have gotten a virus. 
I decided to cheat a bit and check up on the last episode of 24 only to find over 50 email responses to emails I never sent.
 
So I decided to send out a VIRUS ALERT and I figured it's been more than 6 months and some people are wondering "where in the world is that jam"  so I decided to send another "top ten" list. I hope you enjoy! and I need to hear reports on how you all are doing when I return back to civilization and email on June 20th.
 
1. Virus Alert
I have been away from the Internet for over a week and a bit - but the account automatically just keeps on sending attachments in the form .jpg's, pdfs and movies.

The virus name is:
WORM_NYXEM.E

I emailed my computer expert friend and Gmail.  They told me several things that I could do...I attempted them today.
Please don't DOWNLOAD the attachment.  If you did then hit this website for the anti- virus.

http://www.trendmicro.com/vinfo/virusencyclo/default5.asp?VName=WORM_NYXEM.E

If you decide to block my email, please send me a quick email or you can write me @ whereintheworldisjam@hotmail.com - I like Gmail though it's alot quicker.

I am very sorry that this has happened and I hope that this issue clears up soon.
 

2. Blog or Vlog?:.
Michel - a Canadian/Pai resident and I made this video about our thoughts on the net.  It was an honour to meet the Canadian internet guru of this generation - I can't wait to collaborate on more stuff in the future!

3. Like a plot out of 24:.
Sitting on the porch of my friends house in Sri Lanka enjoying my last sunset and taking it all in.... It's a couple hours to the end of my 4 month stay in Sri Lanka and we really started to get really emotionally because it's the end of our working partnership.  Then suddenly out of the blue my friend says: "You know your work partner from Canada - she wanted to make sure that you never worked for CWY or in Manitoba again"   I was stunned, this was my friend - I worked with her for 10 months. So I asked for a couple examples and she responded.  Then all the pieces came together- timeoff, partner relationships etc....

Unbeknowst to her [and me] I was already digging my own grave in the final month of the contract, but thanks Ms. B for putting the final nails in the coffin.
Forgiveness came and a life lesson came [you can read my blog] and it's in the past but I am still quite shocked by the power and politics of big NGO's

Well played - Ms. B - I would have never guessed...

4. A tale of 2 New Years.
Sri Lanka - Dec 31st:
I saw a Buddha leaf mark on the road and knew this was my stop.  I told the driver to let me out near the tea factory and I started my climb.  There are two ways to Adams' Peak - 3 hr tourist route or the 11hr + Pilgrimage route.  I decided to attack the Pilgrimage route.  With my 40 lbs backpack on my back I started the climb, since few foreigners climb the route it was hard to find bottle water, so I made the journey on Chai and biscuits.  I got to the top of the hill before midnite - meditated to start the new year, slept outside on some hard rocks and woke up to see the amazing sunrise and the beauty that is Sri Lanka.
 
Chang Mai - April 16th:
My stomach started to make terrible noises and I stumbled out of the bamboo hut to start hurling on the dirt floor - I then rushed out to the toilet to complete the rest of my duties.  Their are 4 of us on this trek and since we are in the hills we decided to live a bit dangerously and take it all in... We ate ants, snake and for dinner we had buffalo with blood.  2 us were completely out for the nite.
In the morning while sick we walked 10 km to our pickup up point to take us to the Bamboo raft and Elephant ride, Since I have done those things before I decided  to sleep on a picnic bench and wait for the next ride.
3 hrs later a man came to pick me up, he stopped after 10 minutes to smoke up some opium and grab a drink.  I was a bit in shock that he would do this while driving!
We then picked up the rest of the crew at the elephant ride and made the route back to the city. Songkran is a major water festival and the Buddhist new year. As we passed by on the street people would throw coldwater, drain water and sometimes [hot water] into the back of the open truck. Everyone is smiling and it's happy part fo the new year.  The driver would occasionally stopped to refill his drink and the passengers. It was sooo much fun, terrifying and exhilarating and the trip lasted 2 hrs. When we got into Chang Mai the city turned into ONE water fight and everyone was on the street with water guns and dancing. Still feeling sick I climbed to the roof of the truck and started the sober roof party with buckets of water.  A different new years.


5. Top Blogs and other stuff:

This is the stuff that I read when I am travelling to keep me in tune with "the real world"
Blogs: Liz Lawson - The American Mystery was off the net for a while with insomnia? and now she's back - good shit liz!
Lisa the Knitter: Her blog is always a happy read...but really... how many cool chics do you know that Intern for Nasa, knits and enjoys Xmen? Damn. Damn. Damn.
My mate CDM: I am sure he has a ghost writer and makeup artist, that music and stuff on his face can't be his :>
Fat Man Walking: Glad to see that all went well and even more!
Spacing.ca: I love Toronto. I have the Queen and Broadview buttons on my bag when I travel - it feels good to be connected to home!

Music: Since I have been on the road for the past 6 months - I have been digging really deep in my ipod. Anything with a beat is fantasy to me. I decided that if I do another long trip I will not take my Mac formatted ipod it's good for short trips but not long ones. Cd Players are the way to go.
Bollywood, Thai and Sri Lanka is on me right now and I am enjoying listening to the vibes and watching movies.


6
.
Crazy Backpacker Story - I freaky long story.
I really apologize for the length...but it all must be told...because I am still in shock...
After 30hrs I arrived in this very small town near the Bhutan border [see pic below] . It's not in any guide book and I am very excited about it This town had one street that was 300metres in length and the villagers looked super friendly. I went looking for a room and couldn't find anything in my budget. Nothing was available so I got some water and decided to walk the next 25 km - it would take about 5 hrs.
Then a old man calmly walked up the hill and told me that he had a room for me, I checked it out and found it was perfect.
I made this small village my home for a week and I never saw a foreign tourist in sight [Many Bengali tourist came here but it was off the foriegn radar].
The people were confused about my presence after two days...why do you like my village? Why do you want to stay here?
Over the next week I spent hrs walking the trails, reading, helping kids with their homework - by candlelight [because the power went out with the sun...weird...] having dinners and drinks with families, singing and going with the old man to the monastery for prayer time.
The old man and I connected really well during the week - he would come knock on my door and we would go for chai and for long walks in the misty forest. He spoke 5 languages and we would often communicate in broken English and Hindi. One day we were talking about marriage and he scolded me for not being married and told me it was important for a man to have children.  "Then what is the purpose of life" He then started to tell me many accomplishments of his children and his life, always leaving out his wife.  I finally enquired and he told me that she passed away 3 years ago. I told him I was sorry for his lost - he stopped me, smiled and said "But now I am free" I couldn't help but laugh.
After a week and I started to get invites for meals and I gladly excepted these offers.  Money is so tight right now that in the past two weeks I can only afford to eat one meal a day [it's usually curry- now strangely my fave] and I live off fruits, chai and biscuits. I am constantly hungry but its teaching me a good lesson about the value of food and life [I gave most of money to this project for Mother Teresa's so this is my life for the next month in India - Mother Teresa always said "To give until it" hurts].
One youth invited me to attend a funeral and there I meet some of the most beautiful women village women - was this a fashion show or funeral? I kinda sat there in awe until someone told me I can eat - I must have taken three plates of food.
Later on this guy took me to a house and said if I wanted to try a local alcoholic drink. I am always up for adventure and we drank a couple shots - then he asked if I wanted to sleep with him...
I pretended that I heard incorrectly.: I responded that I have a room already and I am feeling very sick. He asked me several times and I told him that this isn't my lifestyle. He got really mad was really persistent so I just got up and walked away. I was really tired and went to bed.
Later that nite I woke up with a sting in my throat from the drink. Then I head a sniffle outside my door - I wondered who could that be? I got up to listen and I realized someone was sleeping outside my door!
I was so scared that I didn't know what to do... I grabbed my shoulder bag and leatherman knife and tried to suppress my mountain cough. I laid down on the bed and moments later I heard someone trying to open my door - I just froze... and thanked the heavens for the double door lock.
It was raining hard and all I could think to do was open the window jump out and walk to the nearest town. I cursed myself for not keeping my essentials handy and for decorating my room with flowers, cloths and books.
I laid there for hours thinking of scenarios in my head.

Here I am alone in a small village with absolutely no communication with the outside world. No phone, no internet and no one to call for help. It was really really scarry for me.  The thought of partnership and the old's man words kept coming in my head.

I was starting to feel upset, I finally found a great town that I would a very long time living and now THIS had to happen.
I don't know what time but I manage to fall asleep. I woke up the next day, still holding my leatherman [how foolish - really] immediately packed my stuff and went for my one meal.
I started to say goodbye to everyone and people were starting to wondering - why I was leaving so early...wasn't I going to spend some more time talking and walking in the woods?
I saw the youth in the morning and he looked really tired and didn't say a word to me.
One family I went to say goodbye to told me that I should stay with them in the village, live in their house and work in there restaurant.  He wanted me to learn how to make chai and momo's for Bengali tourist. I sadly said "That I would come back later"
I was very upset. The dream came true and now this very BAD thing happened.
I finally went to say goodbye to the old man - he told me he heard noises outside my room last nite - Did I have a guest? I didn't respond.
Tears were forming in both of eyes and I told him I would be back with a friend. I now knew the importance of having a travel partner.

I hoped on a local jeep and left. 

 
7. The Most Amazing doer's: - While I have time travelling and reflecting. The world has conspired to meet [and want to meet] some amazing people and read some good bio's. This people have been a REAL inspiration in my life.
Bono: Music, Lifestyle and his work for Third world Relief. His pet project: Project Red is simple amazing. When is the ipod coming? Is this in Canada?
Cindy D: I spent a day with her in Bangkok and she showed me a glimpse of her life. Her work and lifestyle with Fulan Gong is truly amazing, something I would never forget.
Steve Jobs: Impossible to describe and predict, this man is simple amazing. How does and orphan + personality type 2  + computer geek + India hippie + Pieces [anybody seeing a trend with me :>] = now own $3 billion in Disney + Pixar + CEO Music Store + Apple + Ipod + Have an annual Salary of $1 year?
True Incredible Desire.
Navin Chawla: While volunteering at Kalighat, I noticed this man talking to the nuns. He projected this strong aura that surrounded him that just couldn't be explained. So I chatted with him for a bit and then I realized this man who wrote Mother Teresa's bio - the book that inspired my work in India.
He handed me his card and told me to ignore everything on the front and wrote his personal email on the back. I couldn't believe I met him and that he wanted to hear my travel stories and my work at the Kalighat.
 
8. Best Email:
Chuck | May 25th 2006 
When I met you, I was this straight laced banker dude, and
you were this crazy, all over the place travellor.  I
don't know whether you eventually saw something in me,
or God prompted you to encourage me, but somehow you
had a large influence on the amazing experiences that
I've had in the last couple of years.  I will always
be thankful for the help that you have been in opening
up my world.  And realizing that this is part of who I
am now.  I don't know many people in my Canadian
social circle who can say they've spent a year in
Africa.  It's quite remarkable to me when I look up
and realize that this is life now.  This is my
reality.

Thanks again for your encouragement.  I hope things
are well with you, and be sure to keep me posted about
where your next adventure may take you.
 
Peace
Chuck 
 
Another true story, Chuck was a banker in tdot. He was a great last minute [1 week] addition to our team in India. After I hooked him up with a CIDA Internship in Africa and now he is a man on the move!  Its more his initiation and his willingness to grow that has really changed him and it has nothing to do with me...but after reading this email my heart went in warm fuzzies...this lifestyle is worth it!  Alot of people don't know what I do - so I take this as a full compliment. Especially when others can see the effect. Peace to you Chuck!

Little Lisa: My friend paint/type/write a letter - scan it and later e-lettered it to me [see pic below]. Wow! What creativity! I printed it out and carry with me in my tiny backpack.

9. Books:

I can't believe that I have read over 40 books in the past 6 month! I honestly don't know where I found the time...

Some fave books:
Sri Lankan: If the moon smiled... After reading this book I wanted to fly home and hug my mom...it's soo sad.

American: The traveller - Who is John Twelve Hawks - I think it's out good old friend George W. Bush, most of his life is off the grid. This new wireless passport skimmer thingy makes me nervous...

India: This country has some of the finest literature. A fine balance, The Impressionist and a Hungry Tide are good examples. I never run of books to read in India.

Travel Books: Seven years in Tibet, The Worst Jourey in the World, The Climb, The Faber Book of Exploration and Invisible Cities.

Crazy Books: The Sion Revelation, Filth and Are you experienced? - A funny travel book about India, I just laughed out loud...

10. Top Beer + Tea Moment:
Drinking a local beer called Bamboo in the mountains of Darjeeling. It comes in a bamboo mug has millet, rice and it's warm... I had three types and the villagers were impressed that I liked it.

The Kingfisher Beer was horrible but the company was perfect. It's not everyday you get to have a pint with your ex on a beach in Sri Lanka....[pic]

Cedar Inn in Darjeeling still has the best tea and ambience this hotel is super amazing!
Mother Teresa volunteer Chai is still the best two years running - I swear they bless the stuff!

Well I hoped that you enjoyed some of the moments. It must be a long time since I have been home or talked with anyone because I have written over 6 pages! I know they are personal but I feel that life is taking me in a direction that I can share these items. 
If you wanted to be taken off this list then please email me and all will be acknowledged.

Sorry again for the virus and I hope all is well. I shall be returning home in September and I am very excited about seeing everyone again and having some Eggs Benedict at "Joy" in the East End.

Peace and Blessings
Jam

http://www.whereintheworldisjam.com



Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Late to meet the nuns...

Sitting here at the internet cafe where i have been "living" for the past 2 weeks. Since I started helping the nuns co-ordinate some of their volunteer orientation - I have been a man on the move. Visiting centres, taking pictures, meeting new nuns, asking questions and compliling them all on the computer...

I miss my laptop for all of this...but apparently it died in transit from Sri Lanka to Toronto and is sitting at home waiting to be inspected by Mr. Jam.

1 more printout and then I can head to the Mother house and finalize all the prints for the project!

Then I am off to the monastery for a month! So excited about it all!!!!
I really need to leave Calcutta ..I love it but it's already been a month and I need to move for a while...

Peace and Blessings
Jam

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Bollywood film + Itunes

Last nite my Finnish friend and I viewed a Bollywood film "36 China Town"
In perfect Bollywood style their was amazing dancing, flashy clothes and no subtitles - but we laughed and I cringed at some of the cheesiness...

I also realized that my Hindi is not that bad... Too my ears it's mixture of Sinhala and Arabic?

Love ITunes - right now I am listening to the Artic Monkeys - a certain romance... A top band from the UK.
Mucho thanks to CBC Podcast for the recommendation!

I love the name of their EP "Who the F**K are the Artic Monkeys?

Peace and Blessings
Jam



Friday, May 12, 2006

What do you think of this pic?


I saw this interpretation at a Catholic home for the elderly...

It's bizarre...

Jam

There goes the neighbourhood:.

Calcutta feels like home, especially after 4 years. But Sudder Street [the backpacker's district] feels like my house.  I have my kitchen at Blue Sky, my cheap roof bedroom at Paraghon, my Libariry at the Bookshop and my living room at the Chai stand.

So a couple days ago... I was doing some work for the sisters and recieved some very sensitive information about what has been happening on Sudder Street.
To make the story short and short: It's about abuse of street people that I know by locals and foreigners. My eyes and the sister started to water when we were discussing it.
Doing this work I am very Blessed and Cursed to be hearing about these things...

My heart just wept. I couldn't believe this stuff was happening in my own house.  I came back to Sudder Street with new eyes. Everything seemed foreign to me.

I went to my refuge place at the Fairlawn and sat down to have a pint... just to think about all. I started to cry - this was my home and now I feel like I don't belong here anymore.

Ah! India you have this magically ability to take me, shake me and dump my emotions out on the floor.

Peace and Blessings
Jam