Tuesday, February 28, 2006

excerpt from personal journal Feb 1st

"A pint of strawberry pilns - 3 coins. Today was a hard day - I
picked up the results for my AIDS test and well it's negative. I
gribbed the chair and I did the conscious travellor thing and scanned
the room...my heart was beating hard...I knew how many chairs there
were in the room, how many people, what was on TV, who was on the
phone...thank God it opened to negative..."

Doing this on the road while travelling alone is hard - especially
with no support and a very hard job is difficult. This gave me a new
perspective on life and I realized that I am not super human...and
that I should take precautions while volunteering at Mother Teresa's.

Let's see if I learn my lesson.

Blessings
Jam

Thursday, February 23, 2006

really what is going on...

It's been over 3 weeks and I have been trying my best to give my self
an attitude check but it's not happening.

It's amazing how work and private life mix together...fuck...

3 people from a prior trip have developed cases [some minor] from
India and this has made me sad...since then I have been so insecure in
my work, the work that I love soooo much - and I have even thought
about having a totally career change...

I am realizing that I am taking the blame for alot of things on my
current contract. I know my wrong and rights but now this is insane.
I should really start speaking up for myself and the pressure is
building...ahhhh....

Good news on this weird post...their are some new pics up in a book
section on my site...it looks awesome

Blessings
Jam

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A week or so :.

Hey everyone,

I hope all is well in your world...for the past week I have alot of
time to sit and think and also time to act. I still feel like shit
and well it's spreading shit today, I manage a smile now and then but
in deep thought the disease grown. Thanks again for your comments and
prayers and I deeply appreciate it all. It's amazing to know that
people actually read my blog.

2nd thought:

Just had some meetings in Colombo and got to stay at a fancy hotel on
the beach. Nice food, good beach weather, good gummies and well good
working partners...

3rd...

Got alot of books yesterday and talked to my little siste for half and
hour - she was at harveys in windsor and I was in my sarong in Colombo
- how bizarre...

4th

Good nite.

Blessings
Jam

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Time off...

Yesterday I took about 7 hours off - went to the mountains + drank a good cup of Kandyan tea + watched a red sunset on rolling hills.

Still feel sad.

but right now I am talking to a friend in Bangalore, India on gmail chat and he is organizing a similar project I did for the sisters in India 2 years ago. His comment made my day:

D: No seriously Jam... I often catch myself asking 'Hey - is this something Jam would do?'

Wow. I can have that sort of positive impact or I am too self absorbed... regardless it amazes me.

Jam out.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

...

I am sad today. I fear that it will never leave.