Sunday, October 29, 2006
The massive pain in my right molar has become annoying. It comes and goes without warning and sometimes it tingles to full on tear eye - jaw aching weeping.
But gave me several things to think about:
I don't have $1000+ to get it fixed - so I have to live with this pain until I get some money.
Yesterday I attended a family wedding - had a couple shots of Johnny Walker gold [one of my five drinks] with my dad and the pain didn't transfer to my head - who didn't say alcohol can't help your problems :>
My Vippessana meditation really comes in handy - but most people think I am day dreaming...which suits me find. I need to send a letter of thanks to my monk friend.
Prayer is good.
Singing is good - right now I have Sufjan Stevens - Chicago - in my head - it makes walking down the street a little bit lighter and fun...
Well speaking of the world I must step out into it now. Off to church.
If you want to give Sufjan a try check it out
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
I learn everyday that North American life is just hard - I work with nuns, missionaries and forgiven people.
Right now I am soooo alone in my thoughts - I am really fucked up.
Why am I here? What is the real reason? The joy of life and the joy of suffering has faded and I find it all very hard - I just want to quit.
But how do you quit life?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Hopefully not - but thats how I feel right now. I feel alone and very very frustrated.
I am naturally a giving person - last year instead of paying off my debt I decided to give away 1/3rd of my salary because of my "you only live once" philosphy.
Now I am home and the friends that I flown, drove around, called sent gifts, drinks, prayed etc - just aren't coming through.
I know that you should give, not hoping for anything in return - but this is the selfish part in my that's screaming out...especially now that I am here...don't I even deserve a little something?
I really should expect nothing> then why do I set myself up for this disappointment?
I feel the fear changing me.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Well I choose travel talk. And I made the journey out to Elora - a town that I haven't visited since a random road trip with a friend back in 96'. We slept in my car waiting outside for his girlfriend so we could suprise her with some gift - instead we feel asleep, the snow covered the car and she drove off to work with outseeing us. It was cold, we were hungry but it was a classice road trip that was soooooo much fun.
So my trip to Elora this time was very different. It was really cool to meet a bunch of youth from Kenya and across Canada. My talk went really well and the group asked intelligent questions + they were very inspired by my stories and travelling experience. It was really more of honour to talk with good receptive people. Plus it made me realize the whole reason why that self sacrificing work is important in our society.
Where will we be without those diligent leaders?
So I made the trek out to the 905 to check out this wedding in my old church. It was sort of flashback to the past, and a flashforward to the future - the old youth pastor was present, little kiddies that I babysitted for and drove around in youth group, the sunday school class which I taught for 5 years and the 20 foot church wall that I use to climb and sit on top for fun.
Well times have definitely changed - the "old" youth pastor now has two kids and his wisdom has grown ten-fold, one of the little kiddies is now researching Afghanistan foreign aid diplomacy @ the house of commons in ottawa [and invited me for a tour!], the 6 yr old that I taught in sunday school is now in 2 yr university and just graced carnegie hall with the harp.
And that 20 ft wall looks incredible hard to climb right now...
I feel like everyone in the world has "grown up" except me - because almost all the work I do is overseas - it's not tangible so I have absolutely nothing to show for it and well to converse with people about my experiences it puts me in the "weird" category.
I do have to admit though - that all of it was ridiculously fun and I was simple amazed to catch up on stories and take part in a beautiful perfectly plan wedding. Steam Whistle is an amazing venue for a wedding & the beer is just clean and crisp.
+ too much open bar is making my head a little dizzy.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Regardless I am sitting back on the couch drinking some tea I picked up in Darjeeling and listening to my rainday mix on Itunes... Royal City, The books and Boemfontain are keeping me in good company + the candles are in full swing.
It's very shanti shanti here right now.
So a small dilemina has emerged >>>
My good mate is playing at The Drake tonite for some Fashion Show afterparty and I really wanted to go but unfortunately the text message came to late - because tonite I am heading to Elora to talk on ethical travelling for a youth exchange program [the same one I worked for last year - I still love em' to bits...]
Fashion Show Party with good mate or Ethical travelling workshop - Which do I love more?
Saturday, October 14, 2006
I went to bed around 4am woke up at 10 and then started s nice sunny day...
Spent 2 hrs sort of cleaning the house + laundry. I miss the
laundrymate it's a nice place to hang out and people watch, read and
of course do laundry.
Went shopping in my hood for brekkie items and made a fantastic egg,
croissant, and organice salad with soy milk for brekkie/lunch.
Then sat back on watched this video:
about the suicide jumper...
I almost coughed it all up. This is really really fun!!!!!!!!!
Well now I am off to play some gold old Super Nintendo mario kart with
my friend. It's been a while...
Ah...the ignorant life....and the meaning of it all...
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Looking through the old diary and taking a couple things home I found this old excerpt from the travel dairy...
"I don't want to go back home - I know that I am going to find myself waiting one day waiting for the Tram [streetcar] near Q and B [Queen and Broadview] complaining that it's 10 minutes late - because I will late to have a cup of coffee with a friend while discussing antiodotes about the weather, movies and some 50% of sweater at the gap...all this while my belly hangs over my trousers and trying to find my tube mix on my ipod"
Cambodia August 2006
Well it seems that most of this has come to pass I do live near Q and B, I take the tram all the time, I realized this weekend that I have gain 15lbs since being back from Thailand - the clothes I have from 6 weeks ago barely fit me now.
I have been late to meet my friends - even though most of the conversations have not been about sweaters at the gap. The only truth is that I don't have an ipod - I refused to get one but I know I will bow to consumerism and get something I don't need later on.
This is all my fault. I am eating more because it's good to have my fave food again and it's good to drink alot of Toronto beer. I love and curse you Mill St!
I need to know how to apply the lessons I have learnt overseas into my daily life here and not conform to the patterns of this world. I am better than this and this weekend home again has made me realize this....
Now what do I do?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
pic: courtey of http://spacing.ca/wire/?p=1203
A couple 10yr old Dj's spinning some Nelly, Gnarls Barkely and a room full of plastic Balls. The nite was definitely fun - I got my glasses knocked off [what a nerd] and we spent 5 minutes canvassing the floor for it.
Nuit Blanche you were sooo much fun.
it was also nice to watch people collapse by lac one by one @ 4:am while nursing a pint. I love you camera bar - it's been a while.
A really nice way to spend the nite with friends.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Last nite as I was just about to hit the bed - I mean floor to sleep
[I don't own a bed that's way too much material possessions than I
I heard the fire engine pull up outside my window right on queen
street. The lights and noise freaked me out, so I quickly put on a
pair of trousers and rushed down the stairs...
The fireguys were putting out a small fire that erupted when someone
threw their cigarette into the cardboard recycle trash on the curb.
The whole thing was out before it really started but as I was walking
up the long steps back to my place - two big questions hit.
What would have happened if that really started? One of the best hip
breakfast places [underneath my apartment] in the city would have be
in trouble... but how would I get out from my apartment with only one
Any how the hell did my roomie sleep through the whole thing?
I guess he adapted to the sparks on the 501 tram line and the traffic
noise. Anyway that made me think for at least 5 minutes before hitting
the bed - I mean floor.
Peace + Blessings