Friday, November 24, 2006

Sketches

Last nite I went to the old pub to sit down and watch ER... I love Abby - to bad she's not real.
Community TV watching is the best...great commentary from folks in the neighbourhood.

Then one of the regulars came in and did a sketch of the other "regulars" for his art show - he spent about an hr sketching and came up with something pretty darn good.

He told me that I looked very meditated and calm - I felt very depressed and silent.
Go figure.

The show starts in 2 weeks and I wonder how much I will go for...

I start the bidding at 0.25$ any takers?

Jam

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

blogging

I don't have internet at home/some virus has wrecked the PC and I have a MAC - it's just super complicated....
- so I have been scrouging at my local coffee shop for e-time when I have it...

It's been a crazy week everyone - with mucho job hunting with absolutely NO results.
So I took a break and went to a friends cottage  in Parry Sound for a weekend. It was fun watching the 40 yr old virgin, canoeing and playing poker. The worst part was the amount of beer that was present and not just crappy piss water "molson beer" but good beer like steam whistle, creemore > someone even got some Pilsner Urquell lookalike from Czech - it was hard but I managed not to drink a drop of the 80+ bottles that was there that weekend.
I feel good about that - like I withstood a test...

Well this week in meditation I have added another super "item" in which I write down every "sin" of the day...It's hard and I found myself yesterday in a state of confusion last nite and in just one day I can see patterns that appear.

Okay off to check out some India stats for a proposed trip.

Peaceo
Jam


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Ghandi Fast

On Monday some friends and I meet At Kuba Radio for $3 pints and cupcakes - it's a Monday nite tradition and this one was special because I was starting my fast on Tuesday.

I am really excited about this because I did this fast while I was meditating in India in June and it was awesome....

During this time I was reading Ghandi's Autobiography: My experiments with Truth and during it faith forced me into eating less, spending less, sharing more, being still and focusing more on the meaning of it all.
So I learnt alot during this point in my life and changed more than I ever did on any trip - except for that Sahara thingy back in 2000.
+ I feel that I have not applied any real lessons to my life upon my arrival in the West. It's really hard to find that good balance.

Step One this week: Is writing down every purchase this week and justifying the expense

Next Week: I write down every "so called sin" in my mind and think about my actions.
I did this several years ago and it hurt so much I gave up.

Wish me luck
Jam

Danielle

Dear Danielle,

I love dogs and judging from the pic of your dog it looks very fluffy, fun and well mannered.
However the green irish lepruchan hat has to go... does your dog where that on the street?
Or eat lucky charms out of it :>

Just to prove that I am not a hater of all things small + furry my family is cat sitting for blinky.

Regards
Jam

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Dark Tower

I am sitting right now in this place that Lisa calls the Dark Tower and well her office desk is very Lisa. Their is a german calendar, hebrew scripts, a chart with ALOT of random numbers [next weeks 649 pick] a crucifix, a teddy bear [which I named dynamo] and a picture of a dude holding a green bottle. I am guessing this is Lisa's secret crush because he looks cool, has a sinister looking goatee and is drinking a bottle of alcohol.

I think this pic is way better than the pic of the dog holding the green hat....

Well off to start another India meeting and if all goes well we should be there in less than 6 months!!

Peace
Jam

Oh! I started a ghandi meditation today which I am really excited to share and will post more on that tomorrow - once internet starts running at my home again.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Point form + Wedding weekend

I haven't really updated about any happenings in the past couple of days due to some really heavy schedules... but here is the point form

Lisa and I put together a 20+ proposal for FreedomizeIndia 3 and we sat thru a shit load of meetings to put it together

work 30hrs in 4 days with no lunch/breaks - it's hard but I love it!!!

Manage to slowly work my off the tynenol 3' and drugginess toothache

Made a "list" of serious things to get me thru the Nov Sesonal Affected Disorder month.

And

Actually attend a huge family wedding.

I love my family but unfortunately I am considered to be the black sheep because of my travelling/humanitarian/urban hippie lifestyle - so I was bracing myself to be harrassed/put down all weekend. It's been happening for years and as luck would have it - this event came when I wasn't in the best frame of mind.

So I took Friday off work to spend time with the US cousins and it acutally was extremely encouraging. Somehow the family got wind of what I was doing and slowly started to wake up to my work/life. When I went to visit my Godfather he showed me posted newspapers clippings in his office of my work over the past year.
I remmber the last time being in there he told me that christianity/helping people is not going to get you much in life and to get a REAL job/life.

So I was shocked with the 180 and everyone just had questions and really nice things to say...

So the weekend turned out to be a really positive bonding time with my family in Toronto and abroad.

Unfortunately the concept of open bar at a Caribbean/Fantasy Farm wedding should really be banned by all levels of the government.
It's 4:30pm on Sunday and my head hurts.

Head Heavy
Jam

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My female twin

There is a girl sitting across from me at mercury espresso who is
wearing the same shoes, black shirt, blue jeans, drinking the same
coffee and we have the same laptop

I am tooo scared to go say hi...

will the universe collide?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It's hard to be compassionate because compassionate people don't fit into this society....

I said it before and I will say it again. Their is no place in this world for compassionate people. We get screwed over and over and over again...

Being nice at work - got me a promotion, a little more pay and more responsibilities -faster than I like, but today I realized that I took someone else's current job. A nice old lady that spent a week training me - she's pissed. I really feel like I stabbed her in the back and I don't know if I should quit or not. So I just some time off tomorrow to give her a shift back...

I told my supervisor at work that I got overpaid [I never made any dishonest money in my life - why should I start now...] and well her boss didn't seem happen - she's pissed.

I lend people copies of old reports for previous contracts - they copy it + add some stuff of their own and then hand it off to other people - without acknowledging my name or sending me a copy. This has been happening over and over for years now and well now this helping hand is pissed...

+ my new place just smells of bad cigarettes and is quite dirty - I am not obligated to stay and I could leave with all funds intact but I feel bad for my tenants and I think it's best to be nice, tough it out - I am trying my best to be humble and to imagine how lucky [and really how blessed I am] to have a roof over my head. Even if I will be miserable for a month.

Tonite I meet someone who said that I have inspired her to become a better person and I am a major influence in her life.

I certainly don't feel this way and yet on the way to see her and for about 2 hrs after I was crying my eyes out.

I feel like a failure wherever I go and whatever I do...the fear is really changing me.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I don't like taking medicine.

But since this dental surgery - I have been popping back tyenlol 3's like a packet of gummi bears. Last nite I couldn't sleep, my tooth was aching and it was 4am. So I took a couple and had a deep sleep until 12pm.

I really hate taking medicine because I believe that your body just gets dependant on drugs for recovery - the way I see it we humans have been around for eons - we can really starve off most colds and diseases, but instead we rely on medication for quick fixes - I haven't take any meds in about 2 years and taking these pills is having a serious effect on me.

Hopefully it wouldnt' distort my views of church and my meeting for India.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Times have changed.

Who is the rising superpower?
Is this trade[oil] or aid[s]?

April to October - Income Free!

Yesterday I received my first pay cheque in 6 months. Again I am considerable blessed and I guess not really materialistic.

Since April I have managed to travel in India, Thailand and Cambodia - fly home - hitchhike Canada and afford living in downtown Toronto for 2 months + buy a used very cool iBook.

And I did all of this without borrowing money from the credit card [except for that dental fiasco] and anybody else.

Somehow I have managed to do most of it on my own.
That's very impressive in my book.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

A really long day of pain....

I woke up at 7:00am headed to work - which is washing dishes/cooking at a cafe - fortunately the cafe is about a 1min walk so it's really close. Unfortunately they really like me and I keep getting more work, more pay and more responsibility than I want. I am really glad to learn how to prep and make good food. It's really bizarre I think this is training for something in my life.
I worked for 6 1/2 hrs with no break and standing on my feet - it's hard but I really really really like it - then I left for my other short part time job - cleaning another place. A solid 2 hrs of hard physical back breaking work > but i loved every second of it except that I was a bit tired.

There is something rewarding about being able to leave work at the door. For the first time in my life.

I came home for 5 mins collected my stuff and headed to meet my friend Andrew - only to sit waiting at the wrong Second Cup. He was at King and John and I was at Queen and John - a block apart!! So we missed each other...
It's really funny because the reverse situations happened with a friend and I last week Sunday. So now I can have a tired laugh.

Then I headed off to meet my friend Lisa and we started a nice 3 hr long meeting for FreedomizeIndia 3. Lisa is one awesome women - we had some of the same thoughts and I can feel some momentum building up for this trip. My major hope is that we can delays tomorrow's meeting and replace it with "Borat"

I finally made it back to my pub around 11:00 and got a quiet pint because the whole bar was hooked on the soprano's.

Now it's close to 1:00am - and I am currently working on my presentation for school tomorrow and preparing for the 7:30am wakeup.

Did I mention that I did this day on Tyenol 3's and with my tooth aching with pain.

I want a medal. No I demand one.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Moving to the east side...

Well I am really blessed to be living above a nice French Bakery - the smell of fresh bread in the house every morning is quite a good smell + those classic "roomie" moments make it fun - like when my I got a phone call telling me to come downstairs to the restaurant because he needed a hand finishing the chocolate cake.

Since I don't own a bed and sleep on the floor - it's also good to wake up to laughter and nice music.

But tonite I am moving a couple houses over on the same old Degrassi Street - it's my 4th move on this street and even though it's my 6th? move in the past 2 years - it's nice to be in the same hood. Really nice people that look out after each other.

I am also glad that I am minimalist - everything that I have in my current room fits into two MEC backpacks. It will take me about 1/2hr to pack and clean my room. Probably one day I will grow up and be able actually live in a place for more than a year and heck even settle down [oh! shit what am I saying!] - but in the meantime I will just pack and unpack and remmeber how blessed I am to have a roof, food and a great safe city to live in.

Well off to pack.

Well wishes in tooth aching land.
Jam


Dental Surgery

It was an emergency visit to the dentist yesterday. I ditched work halfway thru and made the long trek to the 905. After an examination by a local dentist, I was sent to the oral surgeon - and in the span of 10 minutes he removed my tooth. This man was a proffesional.  It hurt like mad. Especially the needles.
But fortunately I had some 2 songs to keep me company "walk on" by U2 and Aimee Mann "Save me" keeping me company so it made life a little easy + I love that they were random songs and they set the mood.

I also thought of the pain that I have seen on people's faces in India and throughout the world - it made my a little easier to bear.

I don't have money to pay the bill - but thank heavens for credit cards and slow re-payments.
Taking the day off today is a very bad thing to do - because I am now a day behind and it's Nov 1st. It's my moving day, fun work this morning and a meeting with a friend that I have been looking forward to for a week.

At least the left side of my face is numb and hurting with pain - it's kinda crazy and cool.